Monday, October 10, 2011

Angels Everywhere

I've noticed that ever since this whole tragedy happened, I've met some people that seem to be there just at the right time.  It seems meant to be.  For instance, today, I met a woman, I think her name was Maria.  I went to Mission Park Funeral Chapels by my apartment today with Eric to get my necklace filled with Cameron's ashes.  He was cremated at Puente and Son's and although they did an excellent job and have been and still are super supportive, this was closer and Puente and Son's gave me a necklace too... so I didn't want to take a different one to them to fill... I thought it may be rude.  By the way, Puente and Son's called Eric several weeks ago to check up on me... they were still concerned over me and told me they wanted to give me a necklace to fill... I thought it was so nice and made me happy.  It's a beautiful charm... a bronze baby angel.  But there was a necklace I had already had my eyes on of a mom hugging a baby that I could have engraved with Cameron's name and birthday.

Isn't it just beautiful?  I love that I can have him around me all the time now.  I was at first against putting his ashes in a necklace...afraid I may lose it or something.  But I started feeling guilty leaving the house too... I felt like I was leaving him behind.  And I start work in a couple of days... I felt I needed to do this.  So, they sent me the necklace with a kit to transfer the ashes, but I didn't trust myself to transfer myself.  So, I called Mission Park and they said they could help.

We went there and were sitting waiting for them to do the transfer... when a lady came and started talking about the rain.  I mentioned since September 17th it had been raining... which was the day we planted Cameron's tree for his memorial in my parents yard.  And it seemed perfect to keep raining since new trees need all the rain, ya know...

She asked if my son was a baby and I said yes... September 1st, he was still born.  She told me sorry and said that happened to her also.  Her daughter would have been 32 years old this year.  She seemed so warm and caring. Her daughters name was Erika and was 8 pounds and so many ounces.  She had to get a hysterectomy right afterwards and was unable to have anymore children.  How sad, I thought... right now I can't imagine not having a child to take care of... I want to take care of my baby.  She said it felt like the end of the world... I started tearing up and I saw tears come down her face too.  She buried her baby and she still visits her grave site.

All I could think of was, wow.... 32 years later and she's still hurting... she's still thinking of her baby she lost.  This was also comforting to me, as well... to know that I will still think of my baby years and years from now and he still will be considered my baby.  He will never be replaced and people still think of their children they lost.  She asked if she could give me a hug; I was aching for one, actually.  She leaned over and hugged me and we had a very heartfelt hug. We talked a bit more and asked me for my name and address... it seems they have a Christmas service with paper angels on the Christmas tree with names on them.  She wanted to send me an invitation when that time comes around. It sounded perfect to me.

I left there feeling a comfort I hadn't felt in a long time.  I felt like I met the right person at the right time.  An angel in disguise.  I met one in the hospital too... a nurse named Sylvia who told me about her eight babies she had lost... during my time in need, it made me feel like someone else was with me too.  

I hate that these angels have to exist... but it helps... no one should have to feel this pain, but it's here and won't go away.  Our babies won't come back, but it something that we have to live with... a new way of living without our babies here on earth.


  1. God is good and will help you on your journey.
    My heart aches for you and I'm so sorry this happened to you. The necklace is beautiful.

  2. Thank you, Debby.

    All your words have been so kind and are helping me along this journey. It's nice to have people who understand.

  3. I got your link from Daily strength.When I lost my baby girl at 31 weeks I had a lot of people coming to offer me condelescences and to my surprise have been through the same loss,some even lost twice to stillbirth and really it din't feel so alone but still didn't feel like anyone understand.But the Prince of Peace made me feel at peace and I am now.My baby is loved and will always be loved.

  4. People you never knew lost before will share their stories and it's good not to feel alone. And you will never, ever forget or stop loving your baby. We still parent them but just in a different way now. We protect their memory. I am 2 1/2 yrs down the road and I still think of her every day.