Isn't it just beautiful? I love that I can have him around me all the time now. I was at first against putting his ashes in a necklace...afraid I may lose it or something. But I started feeling guilty leaving the house too... I felt like I was leaving him behind. And I start work in a couple of days... I felt I needed to do this. So, they sent me the necklace with a kit to transfer the ashes, but I didn't trust myself to transfer myself. So, I called Mission Park and they said they could help.
We went there and were sitting waiting for them to do the transfer... when a lady came and started talking about the rain. I mentioned since September 17th it had been raining... which was the day we planted Cameron's tree for his memorial in my parents yard. And it seemed perfect to keep raining since new trees need all the rain, ya know...
She asked if my son was a baby and I said yes... September 1st, he was still born. She told me sorry and said that happened to her also. Her daughter would have been 32 years old this year. She seemed so warm and caring. Her daughters name was Erika and was 8 pounds and so many ounces. She had to get a hysterectomy right afterwards and was unable to have anymore children. How sad, I thought... right now I can't imagine not having a child to take care of... I want to take care of my baby. She said it felt like the end of the world... I started tearing up and I saw tears come down her face too. She buried her baby and she still visits her grave site.
All I could think of was, wow.... 32 years later and she's still hurting... she's still thinking of her baby she lost. This was also comforting to me, as well... to know that I will still think of my baby years and years from now and he still will be considered my baby. He will never be replaced and people still think of their children they lost. She asked if she could give me a hug; I was aching for one, actually. She leaned over and hugged me and we had a very heartfelt hug. We talked a bit more and asked me for my name and address... it seems they have a Christmas service with paper angels on the Christmas tree with names on them. She wanted to send me an invitation when that time comes around. It sounded perfect to me.
I left there feeling a comfort I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt like I met the right person at the right time. An angel in disguise. I met one in the hospital too... a nurse named Sylvia who told me about her eight babies she had lost... during my time in need, it made me feel like someone else was with me too.
I hate that these angels have to exist... but it helps... no one should have to feel this pain, but it's here and won't go away. Our babies won't come back, but it something that we have to live with... a new way of living without our babies here on earth.