Sunday, October 9, 2011

Trying to Understand...

I understand people don't know how to react when something like this happens to someone.  I tried to put myself in their shoes and wondered how I would have reacted to someone.  I don't know if I would know what to do.  So, that's why I am able to excuse what some people have said to me.  I know they are trying to be helpful and when they say something to me, they think it's making me feel better, when in reality, it just hurts more.  Some examples...

My mother... something may have been wrong with him in the end... or in the hospital, after I had just given birth, she starts talking about someone else that just had a healthy baby.  I was too drugged up to tell her anything.  Or at my home the weekend I came home from the hospital, Eric's sister-in-law was there and she had a baby two months ago.  My mom ends telling her congratulations for the new baby and stuff.  I just had Cameron two days before this... and I couldn't get a congratulations... my baby wasn't cause for a celebration because of the situation. 

Eric's mother... Maybe you'll have twins next time.  He's lucky and in heaven or something like that.  This is one of my pet peeves of a lot of people... God has a reason, It wasn't meant to be... something along those lines.  God gave me this baby to carry so he knew I would love him.  Why take him from me then?  This doesn't make me feel better.  Or within a week of coming home, she calls and is asking Eric about a vacuum and asking him why he hasn't done anything... um, our baby was born still not even a week ago?  We're still grieving!  But then tells him we just need to heal... basically, get over it and move on.  This still angers me to this day and I still haven't spoken to her yet.  It's a month and 8 days after right now and I'm still grieving and still missing him.  And I can't imagine this ending anytime soon.  He's my baby, my son.

Eric's Grandma... She was a comfort to me at first, but then we she came to San Antonio, I realized that she didn't understand what had happened.  She made excuses for people that acted terrible... like Eric's dad.  And after only being home for one day from the hospital, she made a comment saying that it looked like I lost weight.  While I know she didn't mean this to be bad, I took it terrible.  I pulled Eric aside and told him that of course I had just lost weight!  I just gave birth to my baby boy!  I don't have him anymore!

My Dad... asking me if I wanted to go pick out a gift for my new nieces baptism.  Really?  Then two days later asking me if I wanted to go.  I just got mad then and asked him why he would ask me that.  It had only been about two weeks.  He said he just thought I'd want to go and pray for Cameron also.  I got up and walked out.  Little did I know that my mom had already warned him about asking me and told him not to, but he still did.

Eric's dad... WHILE I was in the hospital and had just given birth to my angel, he calls that night since he was in town and is wanting to stay at our apartment and take a shower.  He was still asking Eric if he was going to go home after Eric repeatedly kept saying he was staying in the hospital.  Then asked if the baby's heart was beating... really?  I just thought this was terrible... after what we're going through, he's still wanting a place to stay and shower.  And Eric's grandma understood this.

There were plenty more people just saying it was meant to be and everything happens for a reason and bs like that.  I got pregnant for a reason and I was supposed to have him to take care of. 

You're young, you'll have another child.  Um, I didn't want another one.  I wanted him!  He's my baby!  I can't just replace him!

Maybe you'll have twins.  See above.

The worst from my former friend Sarah... I strongly believe you get what you put out in the world.  Uh... what the heck is that supposed to mean???!  That I or Cameron deserved this?  That I caused my baby's death?  No.  I love him and I'm a good person.

Or people comparing this to abortions or stuff... people telling me their abortion stories... this is not like that.  I did not choose this. 

So, that's my rant.


  1. Those comments do not help. So sorry you had to hear them. That is what I hear from all baby lost mothers. I wish people could be taught what to say. You need to talk about Cameron and his birth should be celebrated.

  2. These comments are very hurtful and there is NO excuse for people to say them. Being ignorant isn't a good enough excuse. I'm so sorry.